I'm feeling worse than I did two weeks ago... with never anything new in my life to write about, but writing anyway, because I've got nothing better to do. Added on top of that, in this post-broken leg era, I'm drowning in negative emotions I want to express. Emotions that tend to come to the fore when I'm least occupied, which is not coincidentally the same times as when I'm most likely to blog.
So... what can I write about? There's nothing new in my life... not really. I'm still on crutches, I'm still watching TV and the computer to try and kill time. That's all I'm doing, really--killing time. Killing time and trying to keep my mind busy. Not that either TV or internet is particularly good at that... but I've got limited options. I'm barely starting to recover my interest in reading. I tried writing a letter today, but it rambled more than usual, and I kept losing energy/interest.
Tomorrow will be a high point for this week, because I get to go have my blood tested (again), and because of the Archbishop's installation. Both of which mean I get to get out. I get to DO something.
Even if it's just going somewhere...
I'm bitter at life right now... mainly because of the leg, but more specifically because of the side-effects. I still have to write exams, and I absolutely hate academic red tape, which naturally abounds as a result of having them deferred--and this after my hopes were raised that they might be waived.
I don't have a job for sure... and the one that I might have is one I don't know much about, and one which I'm rather worried about getting through sane.
I can't do laundry on my own--and this REALLY bugs me. How do you ask someone to go through your dirty underwear? Even Mom isn't easy to ask...
I can't get comfortable... almost ever. The leg is comfortable whenever its up and on a pillow, but the rest of me is sort and stiff. Or, if the rest of me is comfortable, the leg is complaining... and guess which part of me gets priority?
I have no visitors, other than the other seminarians--and they're busy. I can't get out, and there's no one coming in. Not a problem if, as normally, you like being a loner... but when you're limited in even your most sedentary normal practices, that's really irksome.
Basically... life is NOT going well, and I'm just trying to survive day by day... but I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to inspire me to want tomorrow to come, and even less to make me want tomorrow stay.
Please, Time, please go as fast or faster than the last eight months... I literally cannot wait to walk again--to LIVE again!
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7 comments:
Oh, if there's only anything I can do to make you feel even just the tiniest bit better... :(
Hang in there, hon... if you're feeling lonely, I'm always up for a chat. No guarantees on the dirty underwear, though. =P
Thanks, ladies....
It's amazing how this roller coaster works--at the moment, having showered, having got out of bed with WAY less pain (more brains) than yesterday, and with the prospect of driving today... I'm in a good mood.
However, Abby, you are helping, believe it or not... the rambling, angsty letter is addressed to you. Just having someone to address it to means the world at the moment... We'll see if I even send it, though.
Take care. And my IM window is always open. :-)
As the other gals said, I'm always available to talk to! And I'll try to let you do the complaining rather than me, this time! :p
I had the feeling it might be, but didn't want to be too presumptuous.
This makes me feel guilty about still not having sent that PM. You know how it goes when you worked hard at something twice but to no avail? *sigh* I'll try to get around to it this weekend.
Hey... maybe there's a good reason it was delayed... maybe God figured I could use it more at this point.
Or... on the other hand... yeah... the other hand is just depressing--maybe I (or you, come to think of it) just needed some more purifying in that fiery furnace.
I'd really like to get out of there.
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