Events

So, I could easily find material for some more "what is Michael thinking about things" type posts, but I feel pushed more in the direction of "what is Michael doing" sort of posts.

Which means...

You get short comments about the state of affairs in my life.

1. I hate my car. More accurately, my car hates me. It decided to die on me today, having just enough decency to wait until I was almost home before doing so, and thus sparing me the trial of breaking down on either the Yellowhead or St. Albert Trail- either of which could have made it a great deal more disastrous than it was. Still, things are a huge headache there, and tomorrow my first task must be to take the car to someone who knows what he is doing (and hope it won't conk out on me on the way there).

Yes, my day was really stressfull... but it got worse.

2. My punctuality has been ripped to shreds. By me. I really need to start printing off copies of the weekly schedule, because listening to Fr. Marco and reading the ones on the hallways clearly isn't serving me well. I was twenty minutes late thinking I was ten minutes early for "Ministry Manners" last night (ironically, one of the points being talked about was punctuality- you should have seen how beet red I went. Yes, I am something of a blusher...). And I did the EXACT same thing last week with our Human Formation session. And then today I totally missed half of Vespers and Adoration with my car-preoccupation, which RUINED my mood for the next few hours. And I kid not when I say that missing half of prayer troubled me more than my failing car did. And not just because, as a naturally punctilious person, this lack of regularity drove me nuts.

3. If I recall the email aright, and assuming I didn't dream it up in my sleep last night, my college is having a Christmas Formal on November 3rd- very peculiar in my opinion. The important thing here to note is not the extremely early date for the formal, but the fact that I will by lying low regarding that. My college, as it happens, is 65% female, virtually all of whom fall into the "good-looking or better" category. And, quite frankly, there's enough temptation going on in my life...

4. I still have yet to fall into "routine" here at the Seminary. Hearsay is, that this IS routine. My only consolation is that I'm exempt from serving dinners next week because I'll be in my three-hour evening class... Joy of joys...

5. My LEGO life is very sad these days... Apart from the LEGO bishop on my desk (recently raised by the addition of the pallium to Archbishop), who has been getting new vestments of late, I've not done a thing with the little guys. It's quite sad, really...

A Stuffy Snob? You don't say!

Actually... I think I do say.

One of the other seminarians and I were talking before Night Prayer tonight about what people say about people, behind their backs. For some reason (possibly some egotism from me...) we examined people's perceptions of me.

Now, I've always known I can come across as a know-it-all. Let's face it... I'm smart, and I love information enough to want to share it. I also know that coupled with my reticence in other things (I'm on the quieter side in social gatherings- not a very good approacher of people) I can look a great deal like a snob. Like someone with a "I'm smarter than you, idiot" sort of attitude.

Which, of course, isn't the intention. It's the juxtaposition of my natural desire to share my storehouse of knowledge with my own shyer inclinations. I've tried to improve on that shyness point, to be more of an approacher of people, and less timid, but it's a work in progress and probably always will be. In the meantime, I'm cognizant of how, coupled with my apparent smartness, I can come across as insufferably snobby.

Let's face it, I use almost exactly the same vocabulary in speech as I do in writing. It's said, I believe, that people tend to use larger working vocabularies when writing than when speaking, but I think mine are fairly close- especially in situations when I'm getting excited about a topic. Any sort of discussion or debate tends to bring out my vocabulary, full force.

So that should give people who only know me online an idea of what I'm like in person- at least to listen to.

I'd love to be able to meet someone I know only online (and I do hope to, somebody, someday...). Quite apart from whole "solidification of a friendship" thingy, I'd love to get a first impression from someone who already knows me well enough that they could share it with me- however harsh or hurtful it might be. If I'm a jerk, I'd like to know. At least, I think I'd like to know. I also happen to think that I'm not a jerk, so maybe it's just my egotism thinking that I'd like to know people agree with me.

But, seriously... I'd love to know what impression I give to the world. Just as one's voice, while clearly recognisable as one's own, sounds horribly different when heard on tape, while everybody else finds it completely normal, one can't REALLY get a complete glimpse of oneself from the inside only.

Am I a jerk? I don't KNOW. And those who know me, can't KNOW, for they do not know what's in my head. Only God can put together my interior self-knowledge (minus my self-deception) with my exterior presentation (minus the viewer's bias) and see me for what I am.

An Ode to Filipinos

I could be doing something better right now, like maybe writing that AtM2 post which (because of this) is now probably going to go over the 48 hour limit a wee bit, since I'm going to be busy tomorrow with chauffeuring the Archbishop, and visiting family.

However, motivation completely fails to strike. Yes, I know sort of what I want to say, but I have very little desire to say it. And it's not even a HARD post- just basic travelling. Maybe that's the problem.

Anyway, I'm not doing anything useful. So I'm here. Blogging. Blogging about Filipinos, actually. Specifically how much I like them. In fact, were we given the option to pick a culture/race upon birth, I'd be Filipino in a second and saying goodbye to Teutonic Canadian the next.

If that sounds a little weird, it probably is. Please note the late hour here in Alberta.

Now, to explain further...

If someone had to guess what culture/race I'd be, you'd think that I'd go straight for either English or Italian. I mean, seriously... either of those is right up my alley: what with my Tolkien obsession and/or my really strong Catholicism. But nope... definitely Filipino.

Why, you ask?

Well, first of all, let me state that it is only due in part to having an adoptive Filipino sister out there... although that undoubtedly bears a large part of the responsibility. No, Filipinos in general are just very, very cool. And I would place the blame solidly on the shoulders of the Filipino priests and seminarians I've met.

Fr. Gary Lee, for example, has got to be the coolest priest I know, if only because he's a Liturgist incarnate. There's no liturgical detail too small, no papal vestment too obscure to escape his attention. Seriously, if you think I'm anal about liturgical details... And he's funny! Seriously, Fr. Gary is a born actor.

Geoffrey must share part of the blame too- even if he is Canadian born. He is definitely a product of his parent's culture. The optimism and happy spirit (and short stature) definitely come back from the Philippines. And Geoffrey is one of the cool kids in the Seminary. At least, I think so.

While I absolve my dear Filipina sister of full responsibility in the matter of my Filipino-liking, she isn't absolved of partial possibility. Seriously, if I'm having to look across the Pacific to find such a perfect-fitting little sister, then there must be something right going on there. And Nilp (zany as he is, or perhaps because he is zany) doesn't detract from the image.

Those are some of the main specific examples... but Filipinos in general are cool. Do you want to know who started the who trend (in Alberta, anyway) of hanging rosaries from car rear-view mirrors? That's right, the Filipinos. And have you ever heard of the Filipino Mafia? Me neither, before I came to Seminary... but apparently it can get you all sorts of places in Rome.

Which is not to say, amid all these accolades, that I think there are no downright evil Filipinos, or that all non-Filipinos are bad (hey! I'm one of them, remember?). Because ultimately, people are people, and while partially products of their culture, they are products of themselves and their own choices, as well.

But it is to say that I find Filipino culture to be very optimistic, very pious (as a culture in today's society, anyway...), and very attractive. Not sure I'd say the same thing about the Philippines, but the Filipinos?- Definitely.

Me? Defend the Church?`

So Rune gave me a very interesting challenge today... and it's really got me thinking.

Basically, I was challenged to write a paper criticizing the Church. According to Rune, I've often been willing to admit that the Church has made mistakes, but I never say what they are. I'm always defending everything the Church does.

Which is a valid claim to make. As someone who really a truly believes (indeed, Knows- but that's a philosophical question that we needed get into here) that the Church is the Body of Christ on Earth, a Divinely-appointed institution, it's very easy for me to go on defending it, and I have a rather traditional Catholic reluctance to critcize.

Yet when I agree that the Church has made mistakes, and it's perfect, this isn't just placating rhetoric- but something I honestly believe. It's just that, in addition to being reluctant to criticize, the way people today treat the Church makes it very difficult to criticize parts of the Church without criticizing the whole. All too often, it seems that if a Catholic is willing to say "well, maybe this is wrong...", then the listeners will conclude "the Church is evil, and you just proved it. Get out your shotguns and we'll go kill the Pope".

So, what with being in College and everything, I'm not sure I that I want to go writing a paper on it. I have enough of those looming ahead without adding another. But the idea intrigues me, and certainly makes me think. So we'll see... Certainly, it interests me more than an essay on "The Importance of Setting in Story X"

Musings...

Well, it's been a few days since I was here last, a fact I blame completely on the Seminary's occasional internet "fluctuations"- meaning that the times of day when I'm on, certain sites (Blogger, in particular) seem to load really, really slowly... thus causing me to let them stew longer than intended.

But enough excuses. There's certainly not been a lack of things that have occured to me to put in here. Chronicalling my current involvement in (how on Earth did this happen!!!) 5 RPGs came to mind, as did listing off some of the more interesting events going on here in the Seminary, such as the outcomes (for me) of the Myers-Briggs-type tests we've been doing in Human Formation. (Some interesting stuff...)

But the big topic on my mind this week, and possibly on many people's, has been the shootings and deaths in Montreal, at Dawson College. First of all, it's really a terrible thought to contemplate just how "lucky" we were that there was only ONE death (other than the murderer). That is a terribly sad thing to have to say, really. That's one death too many. Any premature death at the hands of another human is intolerable.

It's almost a mercy that the killer died in the gunfight (apparently of suicide) with the police. It means that he wouldn't be put in prison and be out on bail in five years.

But back to the "luckiness" of the Dawson College killing. It was lucky, really, if you look at the number of lives taken in the Columbine shootings, or the Montreal Massacre of 12 years ago. But it's hard, really hard, to say that this one death was "lucky". No death is lucky.

All week, thoughts about this disaster keep haunting me. How must the parents of this girl be feeling? She was my age. MY AGE! Barely begun life, really. Never to marry, or grow old, or have the joys of years of adulthood. Never to do... anything... ever again. And the pain of this seperation is going to haunt her family and friends forever.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm in college myself now that's making me more sensitive to this, or maybe it's a greater maturity. Whatever it is, I'm realizing with an acute awareness (for someone half a continent away) what PAIN must be going on in Montreal right now. That college community must be shell-shocked.

Here in the Seminary, one of the Archbishop's points in his opening-day homily was that what a priest REALLY needs, more than anything else, is a Shepherd's Heart- the Heart of Jesus, the Good Shepherd. To be caring and concerned for one's flock with the love of a father- to feel and sympathize with their aches and pains.

Now, I'm no priest yet. 'Tis even possibly that I never will be. But I'm feeling the beating of what I think is a Shepherd's Heart. And it's really going out right now to the people in Montreal. Such an atrocity should never have to happen. Ever. And one almost wants to be there, to offer a shoulder to lean on.

Mind you, this Good Shepherd in me is also shackled to a sometimes annoying Social Commentator, who is cynically noting that this is exactly what a culture with so little in the way of moral values is going to end up with. And let me say that I VERY STRONGLY feel that Kimveer Gill's fascination with Goth culture, his fascination with video games/computer games, and his very probable lack of a moral background probably directly influenced who he became, and what he did. And I would definitely say that what this atrocity is a good argument against Goth culture, against violent computer games, and against a lack of moral values.

Now, the people who may or may not read this blog who do not believe in imposing values on society in general can say what they like. Even they should surely not be in favour of violent killings. And there can be NO denying that these factors played an important role, as far as evidence can show, in the mental makeup of Kimveer Gill. Moral values may be nothing more to you that guidelines needed to keep a society from self-destructing, and not God-given imperatives, but the consequences should demonstrate good reason for their need.

Anyway... for all the fury and hate that must be directed at the memory of Kimveer Gill and his choices right now, I must confess that my thoughts of him right now are of prayer: "Save him from the fires of Hell, O Lord!" Not, I'm saying, that I think he deserved much less- I can be very judgemental that way. For all I know, he wasn't spiritually responsible for what he did, or he may have been sorry at that VERY last moment. Whatever. All the evidence is that Hell is RIGHT where he should be.

And I pray that he saved. I'm not sure I'd have to guts to write this at a time of day other than this (midnight...), but I've prayed, and I'll probably keep praying, with him in mind, the words of the Fatima Prayer of the Rosary:

"O my Jesus, forgive us our sins; save us from the fires of Hell. Lead all souls into Heaven, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE MOST IN NEED OF YOUR MERCY."

Now, mind you, I've prayed for the soul of Anastasia DeSousa, his victim. Odds are, growing up in the Quebec of today, that she had a few sins on her soul that needed some washing out too... but as a victim it's EASY to pray for her, and wish her the best. It is NOT supposed to be so naturally easy to pray for the killer.

And yet, that's exactly what I'm doing: "Eternal rest grant unto Kimveer, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen." Anastasia DeSousa has my prayers as well, but the peculiar (or so it seems to me...) concern for the killer tends to draw my attention to him more.

Both the victim and the killer need prayers. Both were frail human beings- who can only DESERVE punishment when sent before the Judgement of God. That's all any of us can hope for. We are all, Saint and Sinner alike, at the Mercy of God on that day.

It is now 12:30 at night, despite what the pre-edit time of this post will say... and I'm unable to think of a better way to coherently end this. But there, for all the world to see, is the inner thoughts of this wannabe-a-Shepherd's heart laid bare:

"Have mercy on us, and on the whole world."

A Visit from a Prince of the Church

Some of you have already heard me going on about the fact that the Seminary had a visit from a Cardinal last night- but most of you don't, and I have to expound at length on it.

First of all, the background reason: His Eminence, Archbishop Marc Cardinal Ouellet of Quebec City, Primate of Canada, was invited to Edmonton several months ago to be speaker at a huge gala dinner (taking place tonight) to fundraise hundreds of thousands of dollars for the Priests' Retirement Fund of the Archdiocese of Edmonton- a fund that is in sincere need of a cash injection, due to the fact that it is currently paying out to more retired priests than there are working priests to pay into it. And Cardinal Ouellet is a big name to draw people in. As Archbishop of Quebec City, he's the Primate of Canada, meaning that his diocese was the first in the country- it has the primacy. Furthermore, he's one of just three Canadian Cardinals, and he's the youngest and newest of the three.

Finally, and perhaps most pertinent to his crowd-drawing abilities, Cardinal Ouellet was a student and colleague of Pope Benedict XVI when he was Cardinal Ratzinger. The two are more than acquainted. What's more, Cardinal Ouellet was considered papabili (Pope-able) in the days after Pope John Paul II passed away.

All in all, a pretty big name in the Church, and good reason to be excited.

Now, the Cardinal was invited to Edmonton for the Retirement Fund dinner, but he asked, since he was going to be here, if he could come visit the seminary. Twelve years ago, he was Rector of this seminary, and our current rector was one of his formation team. So it was a little bit of a homecoming. Naturally, the Seminary responded with enthusiasm, and so came about an evening Mass, Supper, and private talk from the Cardinal for the Seminarians. It was our first "formallish" event of the year, and a lot of work went into getting things ready.

Mass was especially well-planning, because not only was it the visit of the Cardinal and former Rector- but because the Mass, no matter when or where celebrated, the Supper of Our Lord, and so takes precedence over any amount of suppers or talks we may have. What with the full three deacons, ten concelebrating priests, and Archbishop Thomas Collins of Edmonton (and, of course, the Cardinal himself), we had a pretty full house, clergy-wise. Then we had a four-part seminarian's choir, with organ, piano, and two trumpets. The music was particularly sumptuous. And I don't say that only because I was one of the basses. As a matter of fact, we did better the night before, but it was a job well done at Mass, anyway.

Supper was sumptuously prepared by the kitchen staff, and I was rather straining at the waistcoat buttons by the time it was gone (well, even before... it seems I was lazy and ate too much over the summer). And the conversation at my table, if at none of the others, was a hoot, as we ran the gamut of teasing Chris about his Personal Formation sheet to parodying an amusing version of Sts. Peter and Paul's relationship.

But the talk at the end was a real highlight, as we Seminarians, after having to share him with the college faculty all night, had the Cardinal to ourselves. We got a lot of personal history, and a rendition of the last days of Pope John Paul II through the election of Pope Benedict. Very interesting stuff.

And then the obligatory pictures...

Talking after the Cardinal took off, general concensus among us Seminarians was that we may well have had a meeting with the next pope. Of course, all of us would love to see that happen- although God preserve Pope Benedict for many years yet! On the other hand, it cannot be doubted that our main reason for thinking so was very Us-Centric. What Canadian wouldn't burst with pride at a Canadian pope? And seeing as Cardinal Ouellet has a much stronger personal connection (and is much younger)... well, you get the picture. It may have been a bit silly of us, it may not- but it was a very fun evening anyway.

But I definitely need to start exercising more. So say my waistcoat buttons.

On the Eve of School...

Well, it's been longer than the hoped-for interval between posts here, but in my defence, that is entirely the fault of the Seminary/College's internet service, which was down pretty much consistently from Tuesday through the weekend- and then I was gone over the weekend, visiting my uncle's family, until last night. So it's not MY fault.

Certainly, I would have loved to have been able to get on. With classes having started for the Theology students here at Newman, life has been rather... boring, I'd ALMOST say... for us Philosophy students who only have Orientation tomorrow, with classes on Wednesday. And, strange as it feels to say it, for the first time in my life, I'm pining to start school. I'm sure reality will set in tomorrow, and I'll be bemoaning the loss of my Bum-in-Residence status... but in the meantime I can't wait. And with only three courses (out of a normal five) for this semester, it's not even as if I'm getting dunked 100% into scholastic goodness.

In other news, though, I'm feeling rather murderous towards the computer my parents graciously gave me over the weekend. Back home 'twas the basement computer, playing second fiddle to the main one upstairs. And with the eldest of my brothers having his own computer, and me gone, there was no longer much use for it. So I was given the option of acquiring it...

Well, I always knew the thing was slow. Basically, it's always taken five minutes to warm up, has always had a vague air of being unable to run anything, but once it got going, it was usually good to go for Internet, MSN, and MSWord- pretty much the only things I was planning on using it for anyway.

All that is in the past. For all I know, it runs like a charm now... And I seem to have no way of finding out, since it refuses to fully start. It goes through the whole five minutes of excruciatingly long startup, only to restart and begin the painful process over once it starts to enable the ZoneAlarm firewall.

Anyway, the blasted thing can go explode, for all the goodwill I'm feeling toward it right now. If it's a sin to hate inanimate objects, I'll be in need of a confessor in the near future....