I have a cold. I have had a cold since... Monday, last week. It has been of intermittently strong presence. Christmas Eve through Boxing Day, I thought I had it beat, which was a good three days to not be feeling sick... but rather than up and dying, it decided to dig in its position and get worse.
So my head is stuffed with snot, an hour and more after getting up, slowing draining itself in a natural relief of my headache, but at a rate that suggests I'll be only just cleared of mucus in my membranes when it's time to go back to bed. Meanwhile, my lips are being balm-resucitated following a near-dried out experience on their part last night, thanks to having to breathe through my mouth the whole time.
So, yeah, that's the update on my life: I have a cold. No news about the fun of being in Olds, the woes of not being used to six younger siblings all the time, or the bad guy-destroying Bionicle game my nearly-18 year-old brother and I had last night, to the awed (and horrified) viewing of various younger siblings. Just the cold.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Old, Old, Old
First off the bat, I love having two blogs. With the amount of response I can typically generate on my sillier half, I know that I am not a socially inept, unloved, friendless moron, leaving me free to wander whatever verbose, boring paths of thought I desire on this, the serious half of my life. (Okay, so I know there are at least a couple people who read this, but because of reasons above, I feel no need to pander to them.)
Anyway... moving on.
I feel old. Not bad old, but old. My brother hosted a Christmas party for the homeschool kids (memo to the forgetful: in spite of my normal ability to communicate, I was in fact homeschooled), all of whom I know to one extent or another.
And I feel old.
These were the junior high kids and the Grade 10s when I was in High School. Now... they're the cool high school kids. (Yes, homeschoolers have cool kids. They have not-cool kids too, alas.) And they've definitely done some growing up. It's starting to hit home to me that my brother is going to... graduate. This year. And be a grown-up. This year.
And that I am less than two months from twenty.
At the seminary, I am one of the baby seminarians. I'm bugged about being very "mature" (their word, not mine), but in terms of experience and age... yeah, definitely one of the babies. In seminary, turning twenty is... nothing. It barely puts me into the decade demographic of most of the seminarians.
So coming back home and getting my relationship to my old groups into perspective... it's a bit of a shock to realise that I'm getting "old". As I said, it's not a bad feeling. All my life thus far, I've always wanted to be older, to be with the older group. I've always felt most comfortable with older people-- and often most compatible as well.
And I love seeing people grow up. I love that bittersweet feeling of joy in seeing someone developing into a full-grown adult-- a fully flowered person. Some people love their babies and children as babies and children, and don't want to see them grow up... but not me. You can definitely could me among the "there is nothing better than to see someone grow up" camp. It thrills me to no end to see the homeschoolers go from kids to mature(er) teens, or seeing baby cousins almost ready to hit kindergarden. And I love speculating on what my younger siblings will be like as they age.
Growing up is hard. I know, I've done it. But it is rewarding. And the thing I will miss most about not having a family is being able to help bring children into the world, and then see them grown full and mature. It must be such a deeply satisfying feeling to set a child loose on the world, knowing they are ready to live. I can't imagine the agony of a parent who is letting go of a child they haven't properly prepared.
Anyway... moving on.
I feel old. Not bad old, but old. My brother hosted a Christmas party for the homeschool kids (memo to the forgetful: in spite of my normal ability to communicate, I was in fact homeschooled), all of whom I know to one extent or another.
And I feel old.
These were the junior high kids and the Grade 10s when I was in High School. Now... they're the cool high school kids. (Yes, homeschoolers have cool kids. They have not-cool kids too, alas.) And they've definitely done some growing up. It's starting to hit home to me that my brother is going to... graduate. This year. And be a grown-up. This year.
And that I am less than two months from twenty.
At the seminary, I am one of the baby seminarians. I'm bugged about being very "mature" (their word, not mine), but in terms of experience and age... yeah, definitely one of the babies. In seminary, turning twenty is... nothing. It barely puts me into the decade demographic of most of the seminarians.
So coming back home and getting my relationship to my old groups into perspective... it's a bit of a shock to realise that I'm getting "old". As I said, it's not a bad feeling. All my life thus far, I've always wanted to be older, to be with the older group. I've always felt most comfortable with older people-- and often most compatible as well.
And I love seeing people grow up. I love that bittersweet feeling of joy in seeing someone developing into a full-grown adult-- a fully flowered person. Some people love their babies and children as babies and children, and don't want to see them grow up... but not me. You can definitely could me among the "there is nothing better than to see someone grow up" camp. It thrills me to no end to see the homeschoolers go from kids to mature(er) teens, or seeing baby cousins almost ready to hit kindergarden. And I love speculating on what my younger siblings will be like as they age.
Growing up is hard. I know, I've done it. But it is rewarding. And the thing I will miss most about not having a family is being able to help bring children into the world, and then see them grown full and mature. It must be such a deeply satisfying feeling to set a child loose on the world, knowing they are ready to live. I can't imagine the agony of a parent who is letting go of a child they haven't properly prepared.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Home Sweet Home, Sweet Home, I'm Home!
Yeah... I'm back in Olds, in case the title didn't sufficiently give it away. And I'm pretty happy about it. Looking back on the last two posts here, I appear to have a mental undercurrent of pondering human relationships and appearances going on, but we'll have to forgo another boring round of that, since I'm too busy gushing about being home.
It's been Christmas season up in Edmonton for ages, depending on where you go shopping. The Seminary's been decked out in decorations for a week or two, Advent masses have been the norm since, well, Advent started (that would be December 3rd this year). There's been no lack of Christmas-y stuff going on...
But it didn't feel like Christmas till Saturday afternoon, when I got home about three hours after my last exam (Intro to Philosophy, a pushover). It was a long, stressful drive, what with the first hour out of Edmonton having to worry about icy roads. I swear that there were probably 40 or more cars in the ditch, at that time, in the first half hour or so out of the city. And there was the whole "took entirely too long" episode in Red Deer of trying to get into a parking lot so that I could by washer fluid for my car. Have you ever driven for two hours, into the sun, with a streaked windshield? If you have, you know it's stressful. Anyway, the point is that I was happy to get home, Christmas holidays or no Christmas holidays.
But it IS good to be home. And home isn't just my family and our house, it's the whole town, and all the familiar people in it. Olds is small enough and I lived here long enough (as in, all life long) to know it backwards and forwards. Going to Mass Sunday morning was pretty much heaven on earth... being back in the familiar building, with the familiar people, with the familiar priest, with the familiar music, with the familiar vestments and vessels, with the familiar cars in the parking lot. (Coming back as something of a celebrity doesn't hurt the feel-good feeling, but it's something I could have done without.)
Certainly, some things change. Four months is long enough that there are new people in town, new cars in the parking lot, renovations to the Church, kids looking so much older. But unlike a couple of my siblings (who I will have mercy on and not name), I'm not opposed to change. Organic changes like these, and the fact that I notice them all, simply highlights my seperation from Olds, and consequently how good it feels to be back.
And yet... and yet... I'll be ready to go home come January.
It's been Christmas season up in Edmonton for ages, depending on where you go shopping. The Seminary's been decked out in decorations for a week or two, Advent masses have been the norm since, well, Advent started (that would be December 3rd this year). There's been no lack of Christmas-y stuff going on...
But it didn't feel like Christmas till Saturday afternoon, when I got home about three hours after my last exam (Intro to Philosophy, a pushover). It was a long, stressful drive, what with the first hour out of Edmonton having to worry about icy roads. I swear that there were probably 40 or more cars in the ditch, at that time, in the first half hour or so out of the city. And there was the whole "took entirely too long" episode in Red Deer of trying to get into a parking lot so that I could by washer fluid for my car. Have you ever driven for two hours, into the sun, with a streaked windshield? If you have, you know it's stressful. Anyway, the point is that I was happy to get home, Christmas holidays or no Christmas holidays.
But it IS good to be home. And home isn't just my family and our house, it's the whole town, and all the familiar people in it. Olds is small enough and I lived here long enough (as in, all life long) to know it backwards and forwards. Going to Mass Sunday morning was pretty much heaven on earth... being back in the familiar building, with the familiar people, with the familiar priest, with the familiar music, with the familiar vestments and vessels, with the familiar cars in the parking lot. (Coming back as something of a celebrity doesn't hurt the feel-good feeling, but it's something I could have done without.)
Certainly, some things change. Four months is long enough that there are new people in town, new cars in the parking lot, renovations to the Church, kids looking so much older. But unlike a couple of my siblings (who I will have mercy on and not name), I'm not opposed to change. Organic changes like these, and the fact that I notice them all, simply highlights my seperation from Olds, and consequently how good it feels to be back.
And yet... and yet... I'll be ready to go home come January.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Like a White-washed Sepulchre
So I could easily go on about the "great difficulties" of term finals... but apart from having all my finals crowded to the end of the exam period, leaving me with a week more time in Edmonton than I need or want, I really don't have any "difficulties", and I don't really want to talk about such things at the moment.
Though they may well be less boring than what I will talk about. But hey! This is my blog, and if you want interesting or amusing, visit the LJ account, and ready the memes...
Anyway, my chosen introspectively boring topic of the night is personal perceptions.
I was chatting with Enca this afternoon, for the first time--an enjoyable experience I might add. I love people who appreciate my humour. We even had a nice, deep, conversation about the serious importance of blasphemy.
I got to thinking, though, partly as a result of conversation, about the different personas we project. To paraphrase myself earlier this week (and I apologise in advance for the egoistic outlook), most people see me as a nice guy, a smart guy. I'm honest, I'm reliable, I'm smart, I'm witty, I know my Bible and Catechism, I project an air of humility (oh... how ironic!), I know where I'm going in life, I get along with people, I like being around them...
You get the idea. I seem to be a nice guy. And, I'd say, I'm probably about as un-messed-up as humans come.
But if you think I've got nothing to work on... boy. Are you wrong.
It doesn't come across online. Of course not. I'm definitely a good writer, and fairly good at public relations. What you see is definitely the real me- but it's the parts of the real me that I want to show. The tired, temperamental, prejudicial, arrogant, lazy, slippery character... well, I try to keep him locked up.
Same with in person, in public. And it comes across, for sure. The psychologist picked up on it in my seminary evalutation (and said it's a good thing, so long as one doesn't go overboard). Most people, when meeting me, have an initial impression of someone who's reserved- or even standoffish.
My point though, is that I am not perfect. Nor do I think anybody is. We all present our best face to the world. It takes a certain kind of foolishness or saintliness to be able to expose ourselves to all and sundry. The closer we are to someone, the more of our true selves we show, the more of our guard we let down.
But sometimes we show different personas in similar situations. Take this blog and my LJ, for example. They are both genuinely me, but where this is an introspective, often rambling, the LJ is me at my humourous flippant (well, I hope it is). It's me relaxing, being silly. Other than the address, the difference is...
Pretty much just my mood, really. I think the audience overlap is pretty close.
We definitely tailor our image to fit our idea of the person or people we are talking to. My conversation with Enca was not one I'd have with Lhuna. The same topics, maybe... but not quite the same me. And neither conversation would be the same as one I would have with Rune.
I have no real point to all this... no criticism, insight, or idea from this. Just the rambling thought of an intrigued observer.
Though they may well be less boring than what I will talk about. But hey! This is my blog, and if you want interesting or amusing, visit the LJ account, and ready the memes...
Anyway, my chosen introspectively boring topic of the night is personal perceptions.
I was chatting with Enca this afternoon, for the first time--an enjoyable experience I might add. I love people who appreciate my humour. We even had a nice, deep, conversation about the serious importance of blasphemy.
I got to thinking, though, partly as a result of conversation, about the different personas we project. To paraphrase myself earlier this week (and I apologise in advance for the egoistic outlook), most people see me as a nice guy, a smart guy. I'm honest, I'm reliable, I'm smart, I'm witty, I know my Bible and Catechism, I project an air of humility (oh... how ironic!), I know where I'm going in life, I get along with people, I like being around them...
You get the idea. I seem to be a nice guy. And, I'd say, I'm probably about as un-messed-up as humans come.
But if you think I've got nothing to work on... boy. Are you wrong.
It doesn't come across online. Of course not. I'm definitely a good writer, and fairly good at public relations. What you see is definitely the real me- but it's the parts of the real me that I want to show. The tired, temperamental, prejudicial, arrogant, lazy, slippery character... well, I try to keep him locked up.
Same with in person, in public. And it comes across, for sure. The psychologist picked up on it in my seminary evalutation (and said it's a good thing, so long as one doesn't go overboard). Most people, when meeting me, have an initial impression of someone who's reserved- or even standoffish.
My point though, is that I am not perfect. Nor do I think anybody is. We all present our best face to the world. It takes a certain kind of foolishness or saintliness to be able to expose ourselves to all and sundry. The closer we are to someone, the more of our true selves we show, the more of our guard we let down.
But sometimes we show different personas in similar situations. Take this blog and my LJ, for example. They are both genuinely me, but where this is an introspective, often rambling, the LJ is me at my humourous flippant (well, I hope it is). It's me relaxing, being silly. Other than the address, the difference is...
Pretty much just my mood, really. I think the audience overlap is pretty close.
We definitely tailor our image to fit our idea of the person or people we are talking to. My conversation with Enca was not one I'd have with Lhuna. The same topics, maybe... but not quite the same me. And neither conversation would be the same as one I would have with Rune.
I have no real point to all this... no criticism, insight, or idea from this. Just the rambling thought of an intrigued observer.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
A Truly Lost Epistle
So...
It's been a while. And I really don't feel like blogging, but after browsing a stack of other seminarians' blogs, I'm feeling kind of guilty. And I figure it's better to feel guilty about rambling on with personal ponderings than to feel guilty about how long it's been since my last post.
So, going back to that whole "Other Seminarians' Blogs" thing-- I'm not on the group list. Nor have I any real desire to be. And looking over their blogs, I'm really the odd duck out.
Seriously, they blog primarily about Seminary stuff, for Seminarians and family, and with a sort collegial, Roman Catholic, sort of an outlook on things.
Me?
If I blog for another other than me (who truly is the main reason...), it's for my online friends. I write about whatever comes to mind, and though a Catholic, and seminary, understanding underpins everything I write, it isn't exactly front and centre most of the time. A whole lot of interest focuses on the Barrow-Downs, on family, on personal opinions.
If this blog has a THEME, it is the idea of getting across an image of me. An image of Michael A. Joosten's daily life and personal quirks. If this blog has a POINT, it is possibly somewhat seminary-related, but it's seminary-related insofar as I'm trying to present to "the world" (by which I mean various online friends) an image of a well-rounded seminarian. A well-rounded human.
And a part of me wonders... am I ashamed to let my Barrow-Downsy, Classic-Castley, Ex-Pizza-Guy-From-Oldsy side show? Or do I just not care? Or am I wise?
I highly doubt the last... Mostly, I just don't care. Still... it makes me wonder.
It's been a while. And I really don't feel like blogging, but after browsing a stack of other seminarians' blogs, I'm feeling kind of guilty. And I figure it's better to feel guilty about rambling on with personal ponderings than to feel guilty about how long it's been since my last post.
So, going back to that whole "Other Seminarians' Blogs" thing-- I'm not on the group list. Nor have I any real desire to be. And looking over their blogs, I'm really the odd duck out.
Seriously, they blog primarily about Seminary stuff, for Seminarians and family, and with a sort collegial, Roman Catholic, sort of an outlook on things.
Me?
If I blog for another other than me (who truly is the main reason...), it's for my online friends. I write about whatever comes to mind, and though a Catholic, and seminary, understanding underpins everything I write, it isn't exactly front and centre most of the time. A whole lot of interest focuses on the Barrow-Downs, on family, on personal opinions.
If this blog has a THEME, it is the idea of getting across an image of me. An image of Michael A. Joosten's daily life and personal quirks. If this blog has a POINT, it is possibly somewhat seminary-related, but it's seminary-related insofar as I'm trying to present to "the world" (by which I mean various online friends) an image of a well-rounded seminarian. A well-rounded human.
And a part of me wonders... am I ashamed to let my Barrow-Downsy, Classic-Castley, Ex-Pizza-Guy-From-Oldsy side show? Or do I just not care? Or am I wise?
I highly doubt the last... Mostly, I just don't care. Still... it makes me wonder.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)