Actually... I think I do say.
One of the other seminarians and I were talking before Night Prayer tonight about what people say about people, behind their backs. For some reason (possibly some egotism from me...) we examined people's perceptions of me.
Now, I've always known I can come across as a know-it-all. Let's face it... I'm smart, and I love information enough to want to share it. I also know that coupled with my reticence in other things (I'm on the quieter side in social gatherings- not a very good approacher of people) I can look a great deal like a snob. Like someone with a "I'm smarter than you, idiot" sort of attitude.
Which, of course, isn't the intention. It's the juxtaposition of my natural desire to share my storehouse of knowledge with my own shyer inclinations. I've tried to improve on that shyness point, to be more of an approacher of people, and less timid, but it's a work in progress and probably always will be. In the meantime, I'm cognizant of how, coupled with my apparent smartness, I can come across as insufferably snobby.
Let's face it, I use almost exactly the same vocabulary in speech as I do in writing. It's said, I believe, that people tend to use larger working vocabularies when writing than when speaking, but I think mine are fairly close- especially in situations when I'm getting excited about a topic. Any sort of discussion or debate tends to bring out my vocabulary, full force.
So that should give people who only know me online an idea of what I'm like in person- at least to listen to.
I'd love to be able to meet someone I know only online (and I do hope to, somebody, someday...). Quite apart from whole "solidification of a friendship" thingy, I'd love to get a first impression from someone who already knows me well enough that they could share it with me- however harsh or hurtful it might be. If I'm a jerk, I'd like to know. At least, I think I'd like to know. I also happen to think that I'm not a jerk, so maybe it's just my egotism thinking that I'd like to know people agree with me.
But, seriously... I'd love to know what impression I give to the world. Just as one's voice, while clearly recognisable as one's own, sounds horribly different when heard on tape, while everybody else finds it completely normal, one can't REALLY get a complete glimpse of oneself from the inside only.
Am I a jerk? I don't KNOW. And those who know me, can't KNOW, for they do not know what's in my head. Only God can put together my interior self-knowledge (minus my self-deception) with my exterior presentation (minus the viewer's bias) and see me for what I am.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
You know, I was thinking about the same thing the other day--about how I appear to other people. See, I'm not exactly close with too many other people, and even then, I have a hard time judging what they think of me. Anyway, my friend told me about this psych study where it turned out that complete strangers know about as much about ourselves as we do, because we have such a hard time being objective. Just something to ponder.
You were a jerk, big bro. I thought I already told you that. :p
Thank goodness for Werewolf games and PMs that made me find out otherwise.
And here I was thinking I was nicer and more personable-seeming online than in real life...
Even if you're smart, charming, talented, and willing to admit it (have an ego), that doesn't mean you come across as a jerk. Just look at me. I meet those requirements quite nicely, I think, and yet I'm fairly well liked on the Downs, am I not? And in real life, I am widely known as a "cool guy to hang out with", or a "fun person". I'm easy to get along with. Why? Well, naturally because I'm smart, charming, and talented. You see, the things that cause your head to swell are the very things that distract people from your swollen head.
-tp
Post a Comment