Musings...

Well, it's been a few days since I was here last, a fact I blame completely on the Seminary's occasional internet "fluctuations"- meaning that the times of day when I'm on, certain sites (Blogger, in particular) seem to load really, really slowly... thus causing me to let them stew longer than intended.

But enough excuses. There's certainly not been a lack of things that have occured to me to put in here. Chronicalling my current involvement in (how on Earth did this happen!!!) 5 RPGs came to mind, as did listing off some of the more interesting events going on here in the Seminary, such as the outcomes (for me) of the Myers-Briggs-type tests we've been doing in Human Formation. (Some interesting stuff...)

But the big topic on my mind this week, and possibly on many people's, has been the shootings and deaths in Montreal, at Dawson College. First of all, it's really a terrible thought to contemplate just how "lucky" we were that there was only ONE death (other than the murderer). That is a terribly sad thing to have to say, really. That's one death too many. Any premature death at the hands of another human is intolerable.

It's almost a mercy that the killer died in the gunfight (apparently of suicide) with the police. It means that he wouldn't be put in prison and be out on bail in five years.

But back to the "luckiness" of the Dawson College killing. It was lucky, really, if you look at the number of lives taken in the Columbine shootings, or the Montreal Massacre of 12 years ago. But it's hard, really hard, to say that this one death was "lucky". No death is lucky.

All week, thoughts about this disaster keep haunting me. How must the parents of this girl be feeling? She was my age. MY AGE! Barely begun life, really. Never to marry, or grow old, or have the joys of years of adulthood. Never to do... anything... ever again. And the pain of this seperation is going to haunt her family and friends forever.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm in college myself now that's making me more sensitive to this, or maybe it's a greater maturity. Whatever it is, I'm realizing with an acute awareness (for someone half a continent away) what PAIN must be going on in Montreal right now. That college community must be shell-shocked.

Here in the Seminary, one of the Archbishop's points in his opening-day homily was that what a priest REALLY needs, more than anything else, is a Shepherd's Heart- the Heart of Jesus, the Good Shepherd. To be caring and concerned for one's flock with the love of a father- to feel and sympathize with their aches and pains.

Now, I'm no priest yet. 'Tis even possibly that I never will be. But I'm feeling the beating of what I think is a Shepherd's Heart. And it's really going out right now to the people in Montreal. Such an atrocity should never have to happen. Ever. And one almost wants to be there, to offer a shoulder to lean on.

Mind you, this Good Shepherd in me is also shackled to a sometimes annoying Social Commentator, who is cynically noting that this is exactly what a culture with so little in the way of moral values is going to end up with. And let me say that I VERY STRONGLY feel that Kimveer Gill's fascination with Goth culture, his fascination with video games/computer games, and his very probable lack of a moral background probably directly influenced who he became, and what he did. And I would definitely say that what this atrocity is a good argument against Goth culture, against violent computer games, and against a lack of moral values.

Now, the people who may or may not read this blog who do not believe in imposing values on society in general can say what they like. Even they should surely not be in favour of violent killings. And there can be NO denying that these factors played an important role, as far as evidence can show, in the mental makeup of Kimveer Gill. Moral values may be nothing more to you that guidelines needed to keep a society from self-destructing, and not God-given imperatives, but the consequences should demonstrate good reason for their need.

Anyway... for all the fury and hate that must be directed at the memory of Kimveer Gill and his choices right now, I must confess that my thoughts of him right now are of prayer: "Save him from the fires of Hell, O Lord!" Not, I'm saying, that I think he deserved much less- I can be very judgemental that way. For all I know, he wasn't spiritually responsible for what he did, or he may have been sorry at that VERY last moment. Whatever. All the evidence is that Hell is RIGHT where he should be.

And I pray that he saved. I'm not sure I'd have to guts to write this at a time of day other than this (midnight...), but I've prayed, and I'll probably keep praying, with him in mind, the words of the Fatima Prayer of the Rosary:

"O my Jesus, forgive us our sins; save us from the fires of Hell. Lead all souls into Heaven, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE MOST IN NEED OF YOUR MERCY."

Now, mind you, I've prayed for the soul of Anastasia DeSousa, his victim. Odds are, growing up in the Quebec of today, that she had a few sins on her soul that needed some washing out too... but as a victim it's EASY to pray for her, and wish her the best. It is NOT supposed to be so naturally easy to pray for the killer.

And yet, that's exactly what I'm doing: "Eternal rest grant unto Kimveer, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen." Anastasia DeSousa has my prayers as well, but the peculiar (or so it seems to me...) concern for the killer tends to draw my attention to him more.

Both the victim and the killer need prayers. Both were frail human beings- who can only DESERVE punishment when sent before the Judgement of God. That's all any of us can hope for. We are all, Saint and Sinner alike, at the Mercy of God on that day.

It is now 12:30 at night, despite what the pre-edit time of this post will say... and I'm unable to think of a better way to coherently end this. But there, for all the world to see, is the inner thoughts of this wannabe-a-Shepherd's heart laid bare:

"Have mercy on us, and on the whole world."