The Silence of Summer

Well, it's taken me a while, but I think I'm finally about ready to look back on my close to two months with scarcely any internet or social life. Already, closing in on two weeks past, it feels like quite a while ago, though I can't really say I feel like I've been home for a long time. As an aside, let me say that perception of time has got to be one of the oddest things there is. The simultaneous feel of a given space of time as "long" and "short" is just plain weird.

Anyway, to recap: at the very beginning of June, I was told Wednesday morning that I had until Sunday night to move out of the seminary. In reality, however, since I was going home that weekend for a wedding, I really only had until Friday morning. To make matters worse, when Fr. Paul (the Archdiocesan vocations director, who is "in charge" of the seminarians, more or less, if they need it) told me this, he didn't know then where I was moving--and I didn't find out until the next day.

I'll ask you to recall that, at that point, I was still on crutches, and I was working at the Archives. This gave me two evenings to pack and move a year's worth of stuff. Christian charity prevails among seminarians, thank God, and with help I just managed it. I didn't realise I had so much STUFF--even after leaving two lockers of stuff behind at the seminary (and these are pretty roomy lockers), I still had a full car.

Anyway, the weekend passed, and I found myself living at the rectory of Annunciation parish, in west Edmonton--just six blocks or so from West Edmonton Mall, with three priests: Fr. Paul, Fr. Andrew (the parish's pastor), and Fr. Stephan (a professor at St. Joseph's College on the U of A campus).

June, though more or less internet-deprived, was a busy month. After that first wedding, I was back in Olds on two more occassions: for my brother's grad, and for my cousin's wedding. I also went up to St. Paul (in Alberta, not Minnesota) for an ordination, visited my uncle and cousins, and hung out a couple times with a few friends. Not a crazy life, by far, but with work it was certainly one relatively occupied with people. Even if I didn't have time to post anything, my visits home meant that I was able to at least keep informed of the goings-on of my online life.

Perhaps it should be highlighted here that I did not have internet access either at the rectory or at work. At work, of course, I was dealing with 10, 20, 50, 100+ year old documents, and not with computers at all. The rectory is another matter. It certainly had internet hookup, and Frs. Andrew and Stephan, if not Fr. Paul as well, had computers using it, but those were in their own rooms. My computer remained in my car's trunk for the duration of my stay there. I had an internet connection in my room, but no place to put a desktop computer. What's more, having the broken leg didn't encourage me to attempt rearranging things.

Finally...

I wanted a break.

Really, thanks to the literal break in my leg, I was internet-burned out. In the month and more previous, the computer was pretty much all I did in my off-time. I didn't have any fresh reading material, and I didn't have the interest or stamina to try and find more. There were the occasional forays other than work or time spent alone, but these were not regular or frequent. I spent a LOT of time online--hours a day.

Eventually, it you CAN'T do anything else, that burns you out--especially when you don't have the energy to DO much online... but just sit, and read, and post somewhat.

Breaking my leg, I didn't realise at the time, took more out of me than just my ability to walk. I was tired emotionally. I didn't want to do pretty much anything. My prayer life was completely derailed. My personality and sense of vocation was knocked aside. As my body focussed on repair, my mind was left... unfocussed.

In part, this was probably due to the school-year ending. Rather than being a moment of celebration and free abandonment to summer, the stresses of finals were prolonged and merged with the agony of crutches, and as everyone left the seminary for the summer and I was left behind pretty much alone and unable and unwilling to go OUT and do anything, I was left more or less empty.

To Be Continued....