Post-Birthday

So I've been twenty for 62 hours, 35 minutes (as of RIGHT now). I had thought I'd get to blogging about it sooner, if not on the night thereof, then yesterday... but life conspired to prevent that. Life and/or overall mood.

I'm in a rather blue/introspective mood these last couple days, and to judge by her email, Mom's evidence would say such was the same on Sunday. It's possible, therefore, that I will come across as giving a gloomier picture of my birthday than it actually seemed to me.

Certainly, it was a quiet day. I got up early, went to Mass at Holy Trinity at 9:00, and made it out to my aunt and uncle's a full two hours before my immediate family showed up. It's my uncle's 50th birthday this coming weekend, so he ended up getting royally roasted by my family in terms of birthday wishes. Possibly because I'm the favoured, dearly departed, son I was spared the razzing, and got useful presents that didn't poke fun at my age. Clothes, books, even a little LEGO.

After the extended presents-episode in which my uncle was given everything from a cane to a rocking chair, we had a game of Scrabble, where I managed to garner second place, my uncle overtaking me in the last lap with a stupidly obvious double-word placement of an "S" that gave him a handy 23 points or something. I guess he deserved it, though.

Supper was tacos (delicious), followed by cake (also delicious). My family took off right after that, having to be back in Olds at 8:00 (at it's a two and half hour drive, at least). I remained at my uncle's until about eleven. Most of the time was spent either playing with my 4 year old cousin or, after she was in bed, reading from my uncle's extensive library. In the last hour or so I managed to put the book down and engage my recently returned from lurking aunt in conversation, and finally headed back to the Seminary, laden with presents.

I managed to escape their driveway without backing into the ditch, and got back to Edmonton safely. It's the first time I've ever driven out there and back without SOMETHING happening... like getting lost (happened twice), getting stuck (happened once), nearly hitting a moose (THAT was scary...). Fun stuff-- really.

So that was my birthday. Possibly because I hardly saw any of them, my birthday barely registered on the seminary radar. Well, I shouldn't say that... In the half hour I was publicly visible before hightailing it to Mass, I think I got "Happy Birthday" from all the six seminarians I saw (which surprised me, since I didn't think I'd advertised my birthday that much... but I guess I did...). And there was the community-signed card. But, really, birthdays aren't a big thing in the seminarian. Probably has something to do with being a community of single guys.

As of Sunday, getting into bed, I didn't think I had that bad a birthday. I saw my family, had a good time. Sure, it wasn't exciting, and certainly didn't register high on anyone else's to-do list, but I've never expected much from my birthdays. I never had big parties as a kid, and I never really enjoyed them much. Birthdays have been something I've either shrugged off as inconsequential (getting older doesn't bother me) or a yearly dose of social blues. As birthdays went, this was a good one.

But getting online yesterday, I really was choked up by all the birthday wishes from people who I've never met in person-- people I might know from a picture or a voice-post, but that's it. In reality, I probably enjoyed it an awful lot more than I would in real life-- simply because I've never really been comfortable with being the centre of attention. It's a lot easier to deal with when you have time to compose a purely written responce. But still... it made me look at my "real" life a bit closer.

If my birthday is a matter of little consequence to others, and/or little remembered... well, it's my fault. I don't advertise such things, and I certainly present an aura of not really caring about such events. I've fully asked for it. What's more, even knowing this and experiencing a twinge of regret, I still wouldn't act differently-- which is probably why the online responce choked me so much. When you think you've set yourself and everyone around you up to ignore your birthday, drowning in it is that much more touching.

I mean, I expected one or two best wishes. Abby, certainly, as younger sister. Maybe a couple PMs or LJ posts... but that's it. Instead I get... I dunno... lots. It sounds the height of arrogance to say it, but the LJ friends page was MINE.

Couple all this post-birthday introspection with a very real, and unexpected, brush with mortality in the seminary community (our secretary's husband died very suddenly of a heart attack yesterday), and I'm in a really quiet and introspective mood. Valentine's Day may perk me up, though... we'll see. My dry sense of humour has a game afoot.