Pastor?

In all my years of wanting to be a priest (and we're getting on close to two decades of that), my main vision of the priesthood has always been of the parish priest, the pastor, and this was always where I figured God was calling me. This makes sense, given that in Olds there's never been a priest who wasn't a parish priest, and the life of the pastor is not without appeal. It is, in a sense, the heart and soul of the priesthood.

When I went to seminary, two years ago (whoa! That long...), it began to dawn on me--living with 5 non-parish priests and in the big city where there were other such--and I began to contemplate what it would be like to have such a role--and I really didn't like the idea. I figured I could do it, that I'd certainly not be brokenhearted and depressed if I ended up a professor, or a chancellor, or a bishop... but that wasn't what I wanted. Worse, as a smart student (and I am, let there be no mistake about that), there seemed to be a pretty good chance that I'll end up going on for further studies at some point, which is the natural launching point for such a turn of events.

Well, two years later--two years of really enjoying academia, of thinking seminary formating isn't such a bad gig, and working in the archives where you get to see the bishops and chancellors up close and personal, and then a trip to the Eucharistic Congress where there's a lot of episcopal purple walking around, and all of a sudden the idea of a not-so-pastoral job doesn't look so bad.

Of course, this is about the same time that my more pessimistic, less self-assured side kicks in and starts whining that there's no way I'll get sent on for further studies; that there's lots of other smart seminarians in Edmonton, ones with more interest in such things, and if you ask then you're clearly an ambitious, proud snob.

Now, that is all more or less bad reasoning, but it still brought up a good point for me to consider, namely whether, if that didn't transpire, I'd be happy in the parish. For a couple weeks/months, I've kind of wondered, caught up as I've been, between the Congress and the Archives, in the wonderful wide world of the bishops. I'm aware that a lot of my infatuation with it has had to do with the travelling bishops get to do--and all the pictures of them in their cool cassocks--and I've certainly been smitten with the travel bug this summer; I want to travel like it's nobody's business.

Tonight, I got my answer. At Mass tonight, Fr. Stephan was presiding, and it was an ordinary, weekday crowd, and after Mass I went for my (starting this week as a habit... we'll see how it goes) daily walk, when one of the parishioners came up behind me on his bike and chatted a bit before moving on, and I realised that, yes, if you get right down to it, I still want to be a pastor of some kind... though it may not be as a parish priest.

Furthermore, as I continued walking, I realised also that what I really, REALLY am drawn to in the priesthood is the sacraments: celebrating baptisms, marriages, and funerals... anointing the sick... hearing Confessions... and especially celebrating the Eucharist. It doesn't matter where I end up in the priesthood, this will still be the central focus of it all.

I've always said, whatever my preferences, when I'm ordained (and before), I'll go where I'm told, as joyfully as I can, and I meant it. I still do, but it's comforting all the same to know that most of the options the archbishop will have in that matter all look pretty good.