Privacy Issues

It's been an interesting summer thus far, make no mistake, and according to the calendar, it hasn't even started yet. The first three weeks, right enough, were simply jam-packed with school and so didn't have much going on, but already in the two weeks since I've been hitting moment after moment of deep, thought-provoking material, here inside my skull.

One particular note that has struck me in the last week goes back to a comment in Winnipeg about Fr. Geoffrey, in regards to how tired he would be after a weekend of ordination and first Masses, and SO many people congratulating him, especially given how much of an introvert he is. Okay, nothing I didn't know before... but then in conjunction with this my mind made a random connection when I was reading about C.S. Lewis, also this week, and how he was an immensely private individual. The author was making the connection with the recurring motif in the Narnia chronicles of Aslan telling people no story but their own, and this struck a chord with me.

I was reminded, in fact, of my blogs. Each of my "blogs" (to use the term a bit loosely) caters to a different audience. Facebook, the most recent, is pretty much open to everybody, but simply because of its broad nature, it tends get the "real-life" comments about my life, whereas LiveJournal gets the full brunt of my internet-related life. And while I'm more than willing to let the LiveJournal crowd spill over into Facebook, never have I let on to anyone in real life about LiveJournal (well, siblings and parents know about it, but that's from shoulder-reading more than any online connection). As for this blog, although I've cross-posted a couple posts with Facebook (and other ones with LJ), I've never linked to it either. This one is also more focused on internet-friends, but it's less focused on them. The posts on LJ are very much audience-oriented, which typically translates into lack of content, or into sporadic rants. Blogspot, however, is where I go to work out my thoughts. If people read it, then fine--but only if they're online friends.

I'm not entirely sure WHY I've made this distinction, but it's been around for two years, since I signed onto Blogger, and I don't foresee making it anything else. The fact that I'm a rather private individual is nothing new; the whole reason the comment about Fr. Geoffrey struck me was because it could well apply to me six years from now--my ordination weekend could very well be utterly draining. Although I'm what I call an "outgoing introvert," I definitely need private time alone. This works well, I think, in the priestly vocation, because I like people and I can be around them all day, but I need time alone. I've really noticed this since moving into the rectory. Most of the time, I've cloistered myself in my room and I've been completely happy. My favourite moments have been when it's just me and the cat in the rectory. Part of the reason may be that I've had a LOT of people between school and extraordinary things like the trip to Winnipeg to cause me to need some downtime, but I think a lot of it simply stems from preferring a very private home life. In the seminary, my room tends to see visitors about four times a year, not because I actively shun society, but because I go out to find it rather than invite it in, and people tend to pick up on this reservedness.

Anyway, getting back to the internet/"real life" dichotomy, the issue is not why am I so reserved toward people I know in person, but rather why I'm NOT as guarded with people online. Sure, one can make the case that since I can't interact in real life, I'm protected from having to physically bring them into my life, but that doesn't seem quite an adequate explanation. A lot of the things that I post on here come up in conversation with people in real life, brought up by me because I want to make the same points with them that I do here... but never, ever, have I come anywhere near saying I have this blog. For whatever reason, it's sacrosanct... even though... actually... it's not.

Now, whatever this odd mentality may result from, the ironic truth of the matter is that it wouldn't be hard to find this blog. A google search of my name (including that ever-present initial "A") yields this blog, LiveJournal, Classic-Castle, and the Barrow-Downs (and maybe Facebook... it's been a couple years since I checked), and obviously anyone on Facebook knows my name.

But will I ever tell anyone? Unlikely... I have issues telling people in real life what my phone number is. Not if they ask, but offering is like pulling teeth without anaesthetic.

Actually, that may well be the root peccadillo in play here: I don't like asking people to put themselves out for me, at all. I'm more than happy to assist people, if I'm capable, but even the simplest of things, even things people might enjoy doing, I have a really hard time asking.

Food for thought, Michael.